I want to start this posting by saying that all those involved on Sept. 11, 2001 are in my thoughts and prayers on this day.

Now on to my stuff. So the doc said to ween off the meds. I hate being on meds and if I don't need them I don't want to take them. So in 4 days I instead went 4, 3, 2, 1. Now the part that sucks is I have been stuck at one. I try not to take it and get so emotional that I end up taking it. I just need to get over that hump and I can move on.

The reason for wanting to be off the drugs has so many reasons. However, one reason you make not realize is that when I have pain, I would like to be able to take one pill for the breakthrough pain and have it work for me.

We went down to dad's yesterday. Then went with dad down to the beach. Just that much caused my knee (with stimulator on mind you) to shoot sharp sharp pain. Right then a pill for the breakthrough pain would have been wonderful.

As for work, the doctor says at this point he does not want me going back to my job. He will sign a medical leave form, to continue being out of work. I don't know if I should just apply for permanent disability at the end of this year. I am so confused right now. I might apply and if they deny me, then try to appeal and see what happens. You never know, I might get to just focus on my health and not stress over work and life and getting better.

I might write more later. It's a day for it.