A few things going on.

1. YOU CAN NOW CALL ME AUNTIE CHRISTINE!!!!! Yep, that's right. February 5, 2008, 11:15pm, 8lbs 13oz. Epidural given, natural birth, no cut and no tear. While she was in the hospital they called here, BB (Baby Blaze) started crying and they put the phone to him. They are planning on saving up money to come down here and show him off. They are also saving money to get him circumcised, they didn't have enough money to do so at the hospital. Then, as it turns out, her medi-cal wasn't transferred up to Washington, so now they owe the hospital $60,000 - yep that much. They had a private room, with a jacuzzi in the room with them.

So now I have to accept that I don't get to be involved and get to be a close, loving and playful Aunt until they move back here, after BB turns 1. That saddens me.

2. My mom moves in at the end of February. It is such a good thing that I love my mommy very much. It was either she give notice and move in here (we have a 2 bedroom house), or we don't pay the rent we can't afford, get notice to vacate, ruin my credit even more than it already is, and move in to my moms (she is in a 1 bedroom apartment). I didn't even begin to mention the dogs and cat and snake would have to go with us.

I have figured out that I cannot be as much help as I once was when it came to moves and helping family move. I have always been the details and business person. I will have to learn to let someone else be, while I only give help where I can. That saddens me.

3. I laid in the front yard yesterday and was able to pull weeds from directly around me. After I stood up I looked around, thought about the task at hand, and got completely overwhelmed. I am upset that I cannot complete my yard. I am upset that I cannot even complete one simple thing in one day. I am upset that my life revolves around what I can do "AT THE MOMENT."

It sounds as though all I do is complain these days. I am sorry if that is bringing you down. I am just tired of being in pain; I am tired of being down; I am tired of being me.

I told hubby tonight that I felt like he was upset with me for not being able to help him with the house. He said he is not. He did say that he is sick of not having money and constantly being in a situation that keeps us down.

I am back to using my cane. I push myself to the limit that surpasses my SCS. Yes, I believe it to be true, I have found my SCS limit. Which, sad to say, is not very high. I get programmed again on February 25. I will let everyone know if I get more relief, which will be nice. After that appointment, however, I have a complimentary appointment with a business call Eternal Health Clinic. The offer cold laser therapy to help patients with chronic pain. If I receive some relief from my pain, and can afford it, I will go back there AGAIN AND AGAIN. Even if it only helps slightly, I will go back. I have found with this condition: EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS!!! I will also get a Thermal Imaging Scan done. I am excited about this. Click on the link to view the picture.

4. I found this website: http://handicappedfraud.org - People are allowed to post on this site when they have "caught" people using handicap parking spaces when they weren't disabled. However, when you read the message boards, a LOT of posters talk about people who get out of their vehicles showing NO signs of a disability. Well, you know me, I had to give the site owner my feedback regarding this. Here is what I sent:

As a person with an invisible illness and disability, I would like to know if some of those people posting about people who park in disabled spots and look healthy, actually stopped to think about the fact that the disability might not be visible. I hate being judged because sometimes I can step out of my vehicle without an issue. However, it's after I have completed my task that my "hidden" disability kicks in and I become visibly disabled/non functional.
I realize that people park in those spots when they shouldn't; but I don't want to be judged because I "step" out of my vehicle without an apparent affliction. I have Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. There are some days that I get "better" days than others. I still park in the handicap parking spot because I will NEVER know if the activity I am about to engage in, be it shopping, etc, is going to cause me a flare up so bad that I will be put out for the remainder of the day.
I don't have a remedy for the people who make assumptions, but maybe your site needs to mention that this is a possibility and that people need to have a more open mind. I am NOT talking about the people who park in the middle lined parts, I despise that. I am just asking that because I don't visibly seem disabled that people not judge me.

What do you think? They really should have some sort of disclaimer that says that. Cause by not, are they NOT discriminating against me? Saying my disability isn't "real" because I look "healthy"????

Well I have talked your ears off - rephrase: I have written your eyes off, better? Eh. Oh well. LOL - I have included the pictures below if you don't want to click the links to the site. Experience with this? PLEASE let me know. All feedback welcome. (No spam)